Do you come from the same area of the country?
People from the same area often have a similar upbringing, similar belief which are fundamental to their understanding of the world in which they live.
It is often very difficult to move from one area. A person could have lived in a place all their lives, and so to move as well as get married can be traumatic indeed. This needs to be discussed and strategies to help everyone cope put into place.
If you have an age gap bigger than ten years, then you need to think about things carefully. The older partner could get insecure as they get older, particularly if they feel they begin to look their age.
Men could react by getting jealous, women by getting insecure or clingy. Or it could happen in reverse. Either way, a big age gap can cause problems in marriage and is something that needs to be considered in marriage compatibility.
3. Do you have the same religious beliefs?
It is so important to agree on children, how to bring them up, and basic discipline of them. This is often part of a couples religious beliefs also. Even in a christian marriage, there are still likely to be differing beliefs.
If neither are particularly orthodox in any faith, then this needs to be discussed even more. Children are a huge strain on a relationship, so to get discussions out of the way about their upbringing is vital before they even come along.
If you do have a religion that you are both agreed on then that is a great start. You will still need to go over your expectations of marriage, but if you are united in a faith then that will help you tremendously.
If you are not of the same faith and one of you is quite religious, then both of you have to learn to live and let live. You have to accept that your partners views are not the same as yours, and allow them the time and space to practice whichever faith they are. This is part of the give and take of marriage. Please think very very carefully!
4. Do you both want children?
You may decide that you do not want any children. If that is something that you both agree, that is great. But many women at 25 decide they will never have children, give it ten years and they are 35 and their biological clock starts ticking and they do want children.
Husbands to be, if your partner changes her mind in ten years time are you going to be able to get to grips with that desire? Also wives to be, if your husband changes their mind and wants children in the future, as the person that has to go through the biological changes it will take to your body, will you be able to cope? These are all questions to think about.
If you do want children, great. How many? How will you cope if more come along? If you believe that abortion is acceptable, does your partner?
Also, what sort of contraception will you use? Does your faith have any stipulations on this? If you are not both of the same faith, how can you agree on this important issue?
How important is money to you? Do you want to be rich? Are you a saver or a spender? These are all questions to consider. Are you used to having a comfortable life? What happens if you lose your job and have to downsize? What if your partner isn’t able to work out how to live on less money?
What are your financial priorities? Do you want to own a house? What if your partner is happy renting and isn’t bothered about having a great deal of money?
What do you expect of your partner? Do you expect your husband to keep you while your children are young? Husbands to be, do you want your wife to stay at home? Do you want her to work while you stay at home?
All these are good things to talk about before you get married, these are decisions are difficult ones, and not best addressed when you have to cope with the problems of pregnancy as well.
Would you want to let your child go to daycare? Or perhaps relatives are able to help out, in which case you will need to agree how much the relatives get to decide how the children are brought up.
How much will you see your family? There are lots of problems like whose family you will spend Christmas with?
People will expect different things with their family. For instance, my first husband and I lived round the corner from his family. He went round to their house every day after work, before he got home to me. Just to check everything was ok. That annoyed me so much!
So you can see, very different expectations of how much a family should get together. Obviously practical restrictions will apply, but you do need to think about how much time you are going to give to your family. This also applies to extended family. Some parents make provision for their old age and want to live in a community of older people and plan for that. Some parents expect to come and live with the children when they are too old to cope. Open and honest discussion needs to take place regarding this.
So you can see that there is much to discuss when it comes to marriage compatibility. But if you discuss these points and get them out of the way before you get married then they will be less of an issue in your marriage.