By Steve Gee
Staying together with your spouse for the sake of the children or just in the hope that your relationship gets better, rarely works if you’re trying to save your marriage and avoid divorce. Sooner or later you will most likely end up splitting up so is there another way that might be more effective?
Everyone tells you that you should talk to your partner, listen to what they are telling you then change your behaviour to put right all of your faults. If both of you really work at doing this then your marriage will be solved right? Well probably not.
Conventional advice is only likely to work if both you and your partner really want to avoid divorce. Unfortunately this isn’t often the case. More often than not one of you wants to save the relationship but the other one just wants to get out as soon as they can. You can’t hope to work together towards a reconciliation under these circumstances because it simply won’t work.
Pleading and promising to change isn’t going to work either because this just makes you look weak and needy and quite frankly, pathetic. All you will succeed in doing is pushing your partner away quicker than if you did nothing.
Instead of trying to push yourself onto your partner and killing your relationship by smothering it you could try separation instead. At first sight this sounds like an odd thing to do. How do you end up staying together by separating? Well believe it or not it can work and it might save your marriage even if your spouse doesn’t want it to.
Separating does two things. Straight away your partner will start to realize exactly what she or he will be missing if your relationship ends. If you’ve always been a loving partner and good provider then these qualities in you will be missed immediately. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side is it?
When your spouse sees you having a good time without her she may start to remember why you got together in the first place. This is where you have to concentrate on saving your marriage by just being yourself away from you spouse and make sure that she knows what you’re doing. The more she sees you enjoying yourself and not needing her the more attractive you will become to her. You might even find that your spouse starts trying to save your marriage all by herself, even if she didn’t want to in the first place.
You don’t have to move out
You don’t actually need to be apart physically to have a separation. In fact it helps if you don’t because it will be easier for your spouse to see you being yourself. Tell your partner that you know that she wants a divorce and that you are going to start living your life the way you want to. Let her see you coming home late from the office and starting to date new people. You can even discuss your dates with her and ask her advice on how you can make a good impression. This is sure to get her thinking.
The results from this strategy might surprise you. Lets face it, your marriage was going to end in divorce anyway right, so what have you got to lose? By showing your partner that you don’t need them you will be making yourself more attractive to them and maybe they will start to reconsider what it is that they really want.
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