Monthly Archives: October 2010

Emotional Infidelity Why Do Men Cheat Emotionally?

Emotional infidelity

Emotional Infidelity – How Did It Happen?

So you think your husband is involved in emotional infidelity. Maybe he hasn’t admitted it, but you know the signs and they are all present. Perhaps you have checked his phone, seen the texts, you are convinced in yourself that there is definitely something going on. It is hard when you think your partner is having a marital affair.

Emotional Infidelity – What Future?

You might be worried sick about the future…….you never wanted to be a single mom. You thought your marriage would last forever! You don’t know how you will cope with the bills and the children, perhaps you are worried that he will never pay maintenance for them…….and what about the house…..willyou ever find another guy…..???

The biggest question though, is why did it happen? To make any sense of what is going on, you need to know why married people get involved in emotional affairs. This will help you discover how to repair your relationship. Yes, surviving infidelity is possible. You may think that you will never be able to do that but, with some help, you can get your relationship back even better than before.

Emotional Infidelity – Why?

The basic fact of the matter is your husband was, either consciously or sub-consciously not getting what he needed from your relationship. Now I am not blaming it all on you; it was him that got involved in the emotional affair in the first place. You need to know though that getting over an affair is possible.

But it is easy for him to fall for another woman’s charms when they start. Who hasn’t succumbed to a bit of flattery? Women do know how to stroke a mans ego. This is where emotional infidelity starts. While they know they should show emotional unavailability, cheating is imminent.

Many men like to feel like a rescuer, so if a pretty woman has a problem he can solve, and then they show him that they appreciate his efforts, he will enjoy that. This is an emotional affair alert! You can see how before long she goes to him with all her little troubles. And knowing that he is going to get flattered and appreciated – without the responsibilities of children and home – then it is easy to see how men can fall into the trap. Emotional infidelity ensues.

What can you do?

If you want to protect your marriage against emotional infidelity, then you need to show that you appreciate the little things your husband does do around the home. You must recognise his efforts.

Now I know you might be thinking he doesn’t do anything. But you have to get into the mentality of little children – remember how even if your children tried to help (but made more of a mess) you still praised them for trying? Yep, that is the approach you need to take for your men. Even if they just try to help, don’t criticise. Thank them. Relationships are built up this way, and it is a great way to combat emotional infidelity.

Don’t try and cope with everything. If there is a little thing you can trust them with, make sure you do. Jam jars are good – let them be the strong man and open it for you. It really boosts their ego when they can be the one that rescues you. Interpersonal relationships are improved by this sort of behaviour. Such a tiny thing will help prevent emotional affairs.

If you think back to a time when you and your husband were happy together, when you talked about everything, and you felt that you would be together forever………..well if you put the plan into action, you can get back to that time. Yes emotional infidelity can be overcome.

Obviously I can’t give you all the information you need right here in this article, it would be far too long.

Click the link to discover how you can get your marriage, not just back to the good old days, but even better than it was before. Remember you can get over emotional infidelity.

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Emotional Infidelity – How Do I End My Emotional Affair?

Emotional infidelity – count the cost!

Is this how  you feel when you are involved in emotional infidelity? Your heart beats faster every time you glance at your phone – has he text? You check every five minutes, to make sure your phone is on silent – so no-one hears it, so no-one suspects that anything is different, anything is wrong. You don’t want to be discovered in your emotional affair. You are tense and nervous with butterflies in your stomach, but then you hear the familiar buzzzz of your phone. Glancing down you see the word “Sue”. It is your own personal code for him, and your heart soars, you can speak to the love of your life!

This is just the tip of the iceberg for people involved in an emotional affair, or involved in emotional affairs. That wonderful high that comes when you speak to your new love, it seems to be so addictive.

You can end it

Perhaps you have tried to end it, to just be friends, but you have invested so much time and emotion now……..he knows you inside out. That means he knows all the right buttons to press, to make you come running back to him. So the emotional affair continues.

You know that it isn’t right to have an emotional affair. It is probably worse than a physical affair in some ways, because it cannot be right to share that innermost place in your heart with another man.

Do you remember a time when you were completely in love with your husband or partner, when you just enjoyed spending time with him, and you felt that you couldn’t be happier? You can get that back, you can go back to that place. You know it was fantastic, you were full of love and dreams, you felt happy in your role as wife to him. It is not a feeling that has disappeared forever, you can be that happy again with him. Your emotional affair can be overcome.

But ultimately…

What can you do to end the affair?

Emotional Infidelity – Stop all contact

1. You need to cut off contact with the person you are involved in emotional infidelity with. That has to be totally. If you work in the same office, try and get a transfer, or at least make sure you are on different projects. If necessary speak to someone in human resources, but make sure you are away from him as much as possible.

2. You need to confess to your partner, your husband. Yes, it is very difficult. But remember, the blame is not all yours. People who are in happy fulfilled relationships avoid emotional infidelity. The object of your emotional infidelity was fulfilling a need that you have, and it was not being fulfilled in your marriage. You need to think deeply about this, think of a way to explain it to your partner or husband so that he understands, but without apportioning blame.

3. You need to be aware that this is a painful thing that you are going to have to go through. There will be emotional pain as you will not have that emotional crutch you have in the object of your affair. You may experience physical pain too. This is because you have become addicted to the emotional “high” of hearing from him, the excitement. Recognise that this will happen to you. It will help you get over the emotional infidelity.

4. You will also have to grieve the emotional infidelity. It provided a need for you. You enjoyed it. But the end results are not worth it. It is truly not worth giving up your relationship for this other person. So do allow yourself the time to grieve.

 

While you are going through the four steps above you will need to be putting more emphasis on working on your marriage. There are lots of tips and tactics that go along with that, but you can appreciate they are too many for the scope of this article.  But keep reading, because you will find out many things that will help your relationship, and help you get over emotional infidelity.

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